There's a general assumption amongst people who don't suffer from depression that those who do will do everything do pull themselves out of it. Unfortunately, that's not always true.
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There is a part of a depression that wants, desires further depression. For some people, when you're depressed you feel like you deserve to be depressed and that a deeper depression is is only right and proper. It like the depression has a gravity and the closer you get to it the harder and quicker it drags you in.
At this point anti-depressant drugs or physcotherapy sessions seem to be fighting against the natural order. You feel like the best thing to do is to give it all up and allow yourself to be submerged by the tide of black treacle that is your despair and unhappiness.
When you feel like this, fighting to improve your lot, attending sessions, taking drugs seem not just pointless but contrary to the intentions life has for you.
What makes it worse is that telling someone that, right now, you don't even want to be happy or feel like you deserve to be happy is met with disbelief, anger and leads, understandably, to friends and relatives giving up on you.
Even writing something like this feel wrong because it feels like a cry for help. And the last thing I want right now is help.
It also feels like I'm telling the world I'm pathetic. Life has been difficult for a few days and suddenly I can't cope,.
Well, I can cope. I'm coping by allowing my depression to wash over me. For the next few days I will allow it to win. There's just enough of me left to hope that I don't lose anything important (my job, etc) before I come out the other side.
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