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This is the second in an already extended series of recipe blogs here on Theaardvark.co.uk.

*Warning - The recipe below is not recommended for anyone who likes a bit of taste in their food.

Ingredients
3 slices of bread
Butter
Salt and Pepper
Toaster
Toasted sandwich maker

Place one slice of bread in the toaster and toast to a dark brown. Don't allow the toast to burn as the end result will become quite bitter. And you don't want to let things become bitter do you? That's why you're on your own in a rented bedsit making a toast sandwich from an internet recipe in the first place, isn't it?

Meantime, pre-heat the toasted sandwich maker.

Butter the 2 pieces of bread and the toast and remove the crusts from the toast.

There still time to order in another take-away you know..... If money's really that much of a problem, why not just get some chips from the chippy. It's got to be better than a toast sandwich. Just don't stop at the off-licence as you go passed.

Place the bread into your toasted sandwich maker, butter side out and put the toast in the middle. Add salt and pepper to taste. Close the toasted sandwich maker up and, if it's a Diablo one like mine, trim the excess bread off. Don't throw this away. If money's that short you'll be wanting to eat these too.

You decided not to go out huh? Worried you'd bump into her with her new partner? Just don't start drinking again, OK?

Place the sandwich maker on the heat / turn it on. Check on your sandwich occasionally until the outside is your preferred shade of brown. Turn out onto a plate and enjoy.

The Toast Toastie is best enjoyed with a a full bodied, peppery red wine. But best stick to the mineral water. You'll be drinking cooking wine out of a paper bag again in no time if you don't.

Enjoy your meal. And try to get yourself back on your feet, yeah? Forget her and move on.

#Omnomnom

This is the first in a very short series of recipe blogs here on Theaardvark.co.uk.

There are 3 basic food groups according to Twitter. There's your Curry Sauce, your Value Noodles and your Paste. Any one of these is enough to cause a social media taste explosion. It was only a matter of time before someone was foolhardy daring enough to combine the 3 into one brand-erific meal.

*Warning - The recipe below is not recommended for anyone on a calorie, fat, salt or loser controlled diet.

Ingredients
1 Jar Asda Curry Sauce
1 Packet Tesco Value Noodles
1 Jar Shippam's Chicken Paste (you could try the crab paste but you'd be a bit mad)
2 slices of cheap bread
Butter or butter substitute

Place the Tesco Value Noodles into a pan with the sachet of "flavouring". Add 150ml of water and boil for 1 minute (these values are both less than stated on the packet. Trust me here, ok?)

Meanwhile, place 300ml of the Asda Curry Sauce in a microwave proof bowl, cover and microwave for 1 minute (make sure you cover it. This stuff is explosive when exposed to microwaves and you'll be cleaning the inside of your oven for days otherwise)

Place your 2 pieces of bread in your toaster.

Add the Asda Curry Sauce to the noodles and return to the heat. Do not allow to boil! (Actually, you can boil it all you want but all the recipes on tins say that so I'm assuming it's supposed to make it taste better. I mean, really, who the chuff can heat up soup and make toast and watch Monk on the Hallmark Channel without letting the soup boil a little?)

Butter your toast and spread on Shippam's Chicken Paste. You can add as much or as little as you want, to taste. But, lets face it, you might as well use the whole jar because if it goes back in the fridge it's never coming out again.

Once the noodles are fully cooked, pour them over your toast.

Now, restart Monk on the PVR, sit down and enjoy.

Tesco Value Noodles in Asda Curry Sauce on Shippam's Paste on Toast is best enjoyed with a fruity red wine and a bottle of Pepto Bismol.

You can spice up your meal with the addition of Tabasco Sauce and/or Worcestershire Sauce to the noodles. Or, why not spread the toast with a thin layer of Marmite or Bovril before the Shippam's Paste?

Please let me know how you enjoy your Tesco Value Noodles in Asda Curry Sauce on Shippam's Paste on Toast and any recipe variations you try.

#Omnomnom

Image by teaandcakes via Flickr

• Medium sliced white bread
• Butter one slice with cold, spreadable butter.
• Apply a generous amount of Heinz Mayo Classic (remember the ad they pulled?) to the other Slice
• Add a full packet of McCoys Crisps, either Salt & Vinegar or Bacon Sizzler (individual packs seem the perfect size; pack from multi-packs seem smaller)#
• Press gently together and enjoy.